Just Pretend
by Asshatry
Summary: When Negan takes her into the RV, she escapes into a memory with the man she loves. (NONCON SMUT)


I was staring down the lineup where Rick was kneeling next to Michonne when I felt jealously surge through me.

Sure I was terrified, and I had cried so hard that I didn't think any more tears would come. But as I watched him look at those of us that remained, I became envious.

Rick wasn't looking at me.

His attention went from Carl, Michonne, Maggie, and the two corpses that were wedged between all of us.

But not me.

We should have never gone to that outpost.

We killed those Saviors, and this was the price we paid. Now Negan was here, standing before us with a shit-eating grin spread across his devilish features.

He was enjoying this.

He was enjoying our pain.

I felt like we had summoned Satan himself the moment he stepped out of the RV. Now Negan was spinning the baseball in his hand, spraying blood on those of us still kneeling on the ground. His laughter roared and sent chills through me. I had focused on a crack in the pavement and clung to it like an anchor. I didn't dare make eye contact with him. The last thing I needed was to catch Negan's attention.

But unfortunately, he had already set his sights on me.

His boots stopped right in my line of vision and he placed the baseball bat underneath my chin, lifting my head up to look at him. The barbed wire dug into my skin, and I knew it would leave scratches, but I was too stunned and terrified to protest.

I hadn't been listening, and that upset him.

He had been berating Rick… something about not looking at him right. What I hadn't noticed was that Rick was looking at me now. In fact, his eyes were locked onto me like I was some sort of target, and Negan had caught on. The glance I spared at Rick earned me a chuckle from the leader of the Saviors.

"I'm up here, gorgeous." Negan's voice was thick as he crouched down on his haunches to come face to face with me. He was blocking the crack in the pavement, giving me nothing else to look at but his face.

It was like he could see into my soul. A grin slowly spread across his lips as he took me in and then glanced back over at Rick. I had never felt so vulnerable.

"You're with him?" he asked, nodding sideways towards where Rick was. I swallowed hard, but didn't respond. I didn't know what to tell him.

Rick and I weren't together, but we had been, once upon a time. I had never fallen so hard for a man, but Rick Grimes had been my everything. He had been my reason for living—the one thing that made sense in a world spiraling out of control.

And then he told me we were done.

He had feelings for Michonne. Not me. He said he still cared about me, but he just wanted to be friends.

It wasn't complicated. The world didn't change as much as we thought it did. People still fell out of love, and some people didn't.

I still loved Rick, and I knew that it probably showed in my eyes as I stared at his frightened features illuminated by the lights from the cars around us.

"I asked you a question, dollface." Negan's voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and I finally met his eyes. I was sick to my stomach, but I held his gaze.

"Yes. I'm with Rick."

It was a lie. I knew it could cost me my life, but I didn't care. If someone else had to die, then it would be me.

 _Please, just let it be me._

I barely registered the feeling of him gripping the collar of my shirt and dragging me away. No one protested. No one tried to save me.

I glanced back to where Rick's eyes were now downcast. He was completely defeated. As Negan pulled me across the pavement, my knees scraped against the rough surface. It didn't hurt near as much as Rick's silence.

Once we were inside the RV, Negan let my shirt go. I whimpered as I reached out with my hands to catch my fall. My wrist twisted a bit as it hit the vehicle floor and a splitting pain ran all the way up my forearm.

"You need to behave yourself," Negan said in a stern voice. "Maybe Rick likes his women wild, but I expect you to fucking listen when I tell you to do something!"

I squeezed my eyes shut and remained frozen. I didn't know what he had planned, but it couldn't be good. Somehow he had me wishing I was still in the lineup. I didn't want to be alone with this man.

"Come here." Negan had set his baseball bat to lean against the door of the RV, and he was now sitting in one of the little built-in chairs.

"Please…" I whispered, backing up further into the RV in an attempt to get away from him. Negan was having none of it. He leaned over and grabbed my ankle, dragging me back to where he was sitting. I cried out as my body slid across the floor until I was collapsed in a pile at his feet.

"We have some things to talk about. It'll go so much easier if you just calm the fuck down."

He had to be kidding.

I just watched him murder my friends, and now he was talking to me like I was a stubborn child needing discipline. Deciding it might go better for me if I listened, I sat up on my scraped knees and met his dark stare. His expression was serious, but there was something else gleaming in his eye.

"How the hell did Rick get so lucky?" he asked, reaching out to rub my face with his gloved hand. His touch was gentle, but something felt sinister about it. I flinched and looked away as his leather clad fingers slid against the skin of my cheek.

I didn't belong to Rick, but Negan didn't need to know that.

My expression soured as Negan turned my face back to look at him.

"You want me to stop killing your friends?" he asked, running the tip of his finger over my bottom lip.

I nodded slowly and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. I knew exactly what this was, so it didn't surprise me when Negan's feet moved apart and he leaned back in the chair, presenting his crotch to me.

"Then get to work."

He was already aroused; his erection was fully visible from where I was kneeling on the RV floor. I swallowed hard and tried to ignore the amused look on his face as I stared down at the front of his pants.

I didn't have a choice, but he was presenting it like I did. Killing Abraham had been his way of making a point, and Glenn was to prove another. But this? This was just Negan trying to get under Rick's skin.

As I hesitated to move, Negan reached out to rub the top of my head. I tensed up as he touched me.

"I'm not gonna make you do shit, but things might go better for your little friends if you put that hot fuckin' mouth to use." As he pet the top of my head, he began to unbuckle his belt. I tried to focus on breathing as I watched it come undone and then his fingers pinched the zipper of his pants.

My eyes left his crotch and went to his face as he freed his dick. I wished I could read his mind and know if he was being honest with me. Because if there was any chance that he would be true to his word, I'd do it.

I'd do _anything_ for Rick.

And I wanted to end the night without any more bloodshed.

"You promise?" The words sounded so quiet and frail coming out of me.

Negan smirked and gestured down to his dick.

"You do a good enough fucking job and we'll see."

With trembling hands, I reached towards his growing erection. Negan let out a groan the moment my fingertips touched his flesh. I winced at the loud sound, hoping everyone outside the RV wouldn't be able to hear him.

I just needed to focus on the job ahead. That's all this was. A job. If I did well, I'd get my payment and everyone would live.

Like a mantra, I repeated it over and over in my head that I just needed to get through it, but this time there wasn't a crack in the pavement to focus on. The only thing in my line of sight was Negan's cock, and I was forced to focus on it as I wrapped my hand around his shaft.

I gripped his length and slid my hand up and down, hoping that he would just let me give him a handjob and then we could be done. He continued to play with my hair as I increased my grip and sped the movements up.

As the seconds passed and Negan continued to make noises of approval, I became angry.

Why the hell was I doing this for Rick?

Rick left me.

He didn't care about me anymore.

The only reason Negan dragged me into the RV was because Rick singled me out.

That very idea ignited a fire inside me, and my hand left Negan's dick. I would tell Negan that I wasn't with Rick, and he could let me go back to kneeling outside and take someone else for sexual favors.

But as soon as I opened my mouth to speak, Negan's grip on my head tightened. Holding me in place, he brought his dick to my lips and shoved it in. His length went far, and I gagged as it partially entered my throat. Coughing, I tried to pull away, but Negan held me still and let out a loud moan.

Tears formed at the corners of my eyes and I looked up at him, feeling absolutely terrified. My fear only seemed to encourage him as he began fucking my mouth.

I tried to tell him to stop, but the sound was muffled. I could taste his pre-cum as he began thrusting in and out, and I tried to will my jaw to relax as he moved my head by gripping my hair. I could feel his thick vein rub up against my tongue again and again.

After many long, drawn out seconds, he finally pulled out of my mouth. I gasped, falling forward and catching myself on the bottom of the chair. I closed my eyes as cool air flooded into my lungs. A sense of relief washed through me, but it was short lived, as Negan's hand returned to my head and lifted it up.

"Hollow your cheeks." I barely had time to register the order before he was shoving his hard cock back between my lips. I did as he said, feeling utterly defeated.

Dead-eyed and helpless, I gave in. The only way out of this was to help him finish. In the meantime, I would try to find something else to focus on. My eyes glanced around from the hem of his pants to his boots, but Negan's voice prevented me from completely spacing out.

"So fuckin' good!" he practically shouted. "Does Rick fuck your mouth like this?" His grip on my hair tightened and he lifted my head up so our eyes met. I must have looked absolutely traumatized, because Negan's expression changed to one of sympathy, but I knew better.

"Awww, it's okay, sweetheart. Just pretend that it's Rick's tiny little prick sliding across that tongue."

 _Just pretend…_

Closing my eyes, I finally allowed myself to escape. Suddenly I was sitting in front of Rick. It was a memory from only a few years before.

 _"You mean… you've never…" Rick trailed off, and I would have sworn he was blushing. I let out a booming laugh, and Rick's brow scrunched together in an attempt to be serious, but he continued to smile._

 _"What!? It's a fair question!" He was asking me if I had ever 'gone down' on a guy before. We had been talking about past lovers, and Rick was curious._

 _"There was one," I admitted after a while. "Back in college. I hated it. I didn't have feelings for the guy, and we were at this party. We snuck off into a bathroom and he begged me to do it." I shrugged and Rick watched me intently as I spoke. He actually seemed interested in the shitty memory._

 _"Do you wanna try again?" Rick asked suddenly, making me look up at him._

 _"Huh?" I asked, confused._

 _"Maybe it will go better if you do it with someone you care about…" It was an offer, and for something so sexual, it sounded so innocent coming from Rick Grimes. My cheeks turned pink and I looked away, feeling embarrassed._

 _"I… I don't know. Can I think about it?"_

 _"Of course, babe." Rick gave me a sweet smile. "No pressure."_

Rick never forced me into an uncomfortable position—a position like I was in now, with Negan's dick part-ways down my throat and his hands tangled in my hair, forcing my head back and forth.

 _"It's okay," Rick assured me, as I knelt down in front of him. "You can stop any time you want."_

Negan's cock moved even further down my throat, but I felt relaxed. I was no longer sputtering on his length, and he took full advantage.

 _"Oh honey, that feels so good." Rick's hands gently pet the top of my head as I left little kisses along his dick. I couldn't help but smile as he let out a low moan._

"Fuckkkkkk." Negan groaned, but I didn't hear him. I didn't feel him pull my hair or feel his cock ramming deep into my throat. My mind was somewhere else.

 _"You look so beautiful," Rick murmured, beaming down at me. I could tell he was trying to be gentle with me, letting me set the pace. His hands were shaking in my hair, and I wondered how someone like Rick Grimes could be this nervous._

 _I also wondered if this was what love felt like._

Negan's movements eventually became sporadic, and he held my head still. Quickly pulling out of my mouth, white bursts sprayed out, covering my nose and lips. I remained completely still as he relaxed against the chair. Then he reached down and used his gloved hand to swirl the white discharge across my face and towards my mouth. Taking his finger between my lips, I began sucking his digits clean.

 _"I love you," Rick whispered. He was smiling down at me right after I had finished him off. He had come down my throat, and I hadn't spared a drop._

Negan patted the top of my head, and somehow the action brought me back to the present.

I blinked a few times and looked around to see he had readjusted himself back into his pants and was now standing in front of me. I tasted his bitter seed on my tongue and noticed he seemed placated. Without saying anything else, he moved past me to exit the RV.

A smile slowly spread onto my face as I heard the door shut behind me.

 _"I love you too, Rick."_


End file.
